Don’t be. You’re entering into the best era of your life.
I remember this day last year. I was going from 29 to 30, and driving on the way to a resort hotel to spend my birthday in a time of complete rest; yet my mind was a bit restless. I began my search:
“How do you get ready to turn 30”
“What would you tell a 29 year old about turning 30”
“The best things to know before you turn 30”
And other searches of the like were things I was looking up while on the way. From the results I found online, there was one common theme: year 30 was the year that you embrace yourself a lot more and you become more at ease.
Having experienced this last year, I’ve found that anecdote to be true. More than just settling into myself though, I’ve seen that there were internal battles I was having about aspects of who I am that I realized didn’t need to be fought, but accepted. Even in the areas where there are things I need to work on. I’ve seen some of my patterns, understanding some of my nuances. I’m beginning to properly honour and stand sure in my purpose, “power”, place and space I can confidently take in the world because it’s who God called me to be.
(I only put power in quotation marks because that word is so easily misconstrued when read online. When I say power, I mean my place of authority.)
I’ve also realized how messed up I can be. Prayer, reading books on personal development, making mistakes, working through trauma and day to day life experience will show that to you. At the core of what I’ve realized is the gift of humanity. It’s incredibly humbling. Especially when you know that God loves, chooses, and desires to use my humanness in its messiness, consistently. It took months of literally messing up over and over to see it. And His love is still enough. It doesn’t fail, withdraw, pull back ‘chances’ or get worn out… none of that. God’s love is incredibly consistent and ready to continue the journey.
Another thing I’ve had to deal with in transparency is doubt and some disappointment. This has been a subjective experience, so if you do or don’t deal with this, that is perfectly okay. I’ve had to wrestle with doubt about how my life looks like, if I’m in the right place, the decisions I’ve made, how my relationships look like, and if the promises of God have somehow expired.
As it was with many, the last two years of my life were incredibly transformational where I became someone I’m pleasantly surprised with, and at the same time, life was confusing and devastating (that’s another post altogether). I don’t know if this was because I entered into a new decade of life in a pandemic. One thing I do know is your thirties will ask of you to solidify or discard what you believe about life, relationships, the Word of God and God Himself. If you know anything about God though, He’ll bring you back to Himself and tell you the absolute truth about who He is, who you are and who the people around you are (and will be).
TLDR: I’ve discovered more layers of my identity as a Christian, an African woman (i.e., West African and francophone African), a called, chosen and anointed woman, a lady-in-waiting, and someone who will be first in a lot of ways in my family… ways that I can’t break down in entirety in this post. My relationships have changed. My finances changed. My skills and abilities have changed. My adaptability has changed. My beliefs have been challenged. I’ve begun to tolerate less invasion of boundaries. I’ve learned (and am still learning) to forgive. I’m finding the scarlet cord (or common theme) in my life. These layers, with their vibrant and dull colors, fabrics and woven threads are more complex than I ever knew but they are beautiful. So much more beautiful than I could ever put together. It’s still being woven.
.:. No matter what your twenties looked like, don’t be afraid of turning 30. My twenties were a beautiful mess, but only helped to lead into where I am now. Have a willing heart and the self-awareness to embrace the changes that will take place in your life spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally because you will change, every day. Some of these changes will take you by surprise. Take it one step at a time. You’re allowed to enjoy it, and ease into it (yes, even the surprising ones). When you get to day 364 on your 30th year, you’ll realize you’ve been introduced to the person you’ve always known you can be and you’ll determine to be better with each year; no matter what work that will take internally and externally.
There’s nothing to be afraid of. Keep on living, by the grace of God so you’ll flourish and beautifully bloom.
