When I was asked as a little girl what I wanted to be, I would say, “a nurse” — I truly didn’t know what I wanted to be career-wise. All I knew is that I loved caring for people.
The truth is, even though I didn’t have the language or the permission at the time, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a woman. A self-assured, confident, assertive, beautiful (and beautifully maintained), well dressed, well spoken, exquisitely mannered woman — and not necessarily independent either. A woman beside a man who knew what he was doing and was worth following.
What I’m writing here has been in my mind for a few days and I’m recollecting that even as a little girl, despite the many things I went through before age 10, God has always had His design for femininity etched in my soul and mannerisms. From the way I proudly stood as ‘second’ beside my older boy cousin when we played games allowing him to go first so he could lead, to the way I expressed myself in my clothing choices, (even with my tomboy moments)… His plan has always been to have His expression in me be a feminine one.
I’ve battled insecurity, shame, inner wounds and unworthiness. I’ve not always been sure of who I am or why I’m on earth. I’ve had issues with boundaries. I’ve been hard on myself and had hard times with forgiving myself. Sometimes I nitpick at what I see in the mirror. Other times I overthink about things I wish I said or didn’t. I’ve been doubled over in pain and had to push through assignments and work deadlines. I’ve ended up with the short end of the stick in relationships. But… None of those things makes me wish I wasn’t a woman. I have always loved being a woman.
These days, it’s almost a weaponized statement to say something like that, or even to embrace or define what womanhood or femininity is. Today isn’t my day to step onto that soapbox. What I will share is, I’ve learned that womanhood and femininity isn’t just about skincare, vitamins, water intake, exercise, having the correct aesthetic or just the external.
Womanhood is about:
- Expressing God’s beauty in softness and ‘weakness’… that God deposited weakness in women and extradordinary strength at the same time. Being okay with how you were created (and that can be a very layered, decades-long process).
- Living with boundaries with yourself, and in your relationships and asserting them when necessary. Assertiveness isn’t rude or mean. It in the least gains you respect.
- Knowing your worth and having respect for yourself without the need to prove anything. To anyone.
- Being accountable, taking responsibility and making (sometimes) hard decisions for the future.
- Owning who you are, even when you’re not sure sometimes, and being okay with accepting reminders.
- Getting comfortable in your own skin.
- Not allowing yourself to wallow in your last loss but being adaptable; remembering that God isn’t confused by what may have disappointed me.
- Unlearning self-sabotage and replacing it with God’s beliefs about me in His Word.
- Receiving love, and giving from a place of overflow.
Beauty is important. Knowing how to conduct yourself, cultivating soul-enriching relationships and how to create wealth … all important. Nothing though, is as important as developing your character as a woman. Developing your spirit as a woman, with the Holy Spirit. I could never take full credit in this journey to becoming (which will take place all my life) without Him. He is the One who develops the sweetness of a woman’s spirit with the beauty of His fruit. Have I always been sweet? No. What I love about Him though is that He’s been patient enough to not walk away when I’m not and I’m grateful He’s never given up on me. He won’t walk away from you either. He’s here for the process.
I’m in a time where I am simultaneously on a path I always dreamed of but never thought I’d be on… there are a lot of unknowns, but I love it, and here’s why. I’m the granddaughter of a fish merchant and a public transport administrator — I’m becoming the woman I believe my grandmothers dreamed I’d become. They were born into a regime where women legally had to choose between a family or a job. They lived through pandemics, civil war, coups, and incredible instability. It was rare for them to be able to make any significant stride in society as it was unheard of, and, culturally, there were so many pervading ideals. My greatest dream though, is to become the woman of God’s dreams for me. I truly believe that’s the highest legacy.
If this could encourage you at all, I’d say, take the time to find out who you are, who and how God sees you, partner with Him and commit to the journey of becoming her.
I’m with you. I see you. I’m uplifting you and I’m in your corner. Cheers to becoming the woman of God’s dreams.
PS: I have a gift for you. Download it here.
❤️
