In 2018, I went to Ghana for 3 months for a low-key trip with my family. Nearer to the end of my stay, I went to a homeopathic spa as it became a personal tradition of mine. As you go through the treatment and massages, you are being tested in different areas of your health. After measuring my cardiac health, my results returned to the doctor and I was told,
“You’ve been stressed.”
It didn’t register to me initially since I was in summer heat and palm trees while the dead of winter with buckets of snow was pummeling my birth home. But when I looked at my life, it made a lot of sense.
In October 2017, I encountered a disappointment in my life of not getting into the school where I wanted to attain my Master’s. A few months after it happened I gained perspective that it wasn’t the best choice for me and that door being closed was a method of protection from God the Father. Then, a good friend of mine shared with me that she recently went through the same thing and as we were discussing frustrations, I came to see that the dreaded question came into my mind: “What’s next?” It became a question that I subconsciously would mull over… apparently to the point of stress.
I found myself in a strange place of not knowing what step to take next. I was working part time at David’s Bridal, after not being able to secure full time work (even after amazing interviews!). I had debt from my undergrad that needed payment. I’m single with no kids and not even a hint of a suitor at that point and it seems like everything was standing still.
Then, the kicker in my mindset became: “I thought I would be farther than this by now”.
I was internally frowning at myself and I felt like there were others around me doing the same.
“You’re so talented/gifted. Why does your life look like this?”
“Why aren’t you married yet?”
“Why aren’t you doing something more productive with your life?”
I felt left behind… like a late bloomer; something I had never been when I was younger.
There’s something called a “social clock”; an internal clock that is created by the human mind that says that certain accomplishments should be completed by a certain time. If not, feelings of failure ensue. It makes you feel like if you’ve not done it by now, you’ve forfeited your future and those aspirations would not have a place. Time has run out.
That social clock that brought me to the point of emotional stress that I didn’t even acknowledge that I had. Hear me out… Understanding that I am not God has been another one of the big lessons in my life. I’m sure you’ve come to this place too, especially in the age of social media, where there is a constant stream of “congratulations” going to everyone else. I had to realize this:
Because I’m not God, I’m not in charge of the timing of my life. All of it is unique to my journey and purpose; the reason for me being placed upon this earth.
I don’t need to be rushed or to feel anxious by other people’s projects, book releases, weddings, kids, engagements and happiness so I can charge off to find my own. I’m learning that it’s up to me to trust God in His timing and proactively do what I can to prepare my heart and mind for the future.
I’m reminded of the Scripture of where Jesus said to Thomas, “Blessed are those who believe and have not yet seen” (John 20:29). God wants us me (since I know you trust Him, right?) to trust in the sovereignty He has over the script of your life. He wrote it from beginning to end and knows each and every cue, cut, “action”, angle and role. He wants nothing less for us than His exceptional best. I know with everyday to set my heart to want that – To trust Him, let go of control and give Him the reins. It’s not easy but He does know better than I do.
I want to encourage anyone who feels rushed because they feel behind. Don’t let anyone rush you. Not you, your family or strangers on the internet. No one.
I know it seems like…
Everyone is grinding for their Masters.
Everyone is employed.
Everyone is married.
Everyone is pregnant.
Everyone is engaged.
Everyone has a business.
Everyone has a book release.
Everyone has a conference.
Everyone has an album out.
Everyone has a stable career.
Everyone is doing Lives with great engagement.
There is still room, for me and you; and not one person has the ability to take that away, except us.
You’re not behind. You are on time, right where God needs you to be.
God is cheering us on and when His time is right, everything will open up.
Keep praying.
Keep fighting.
Keep making and crushing goals. Keep doing the work. Keep listening to God.
Keep educating yourself.
Keep preparing. Keep dreaming. No ‘delay’ is discarded by God. His timing is everything.
