One of my favorite but short-lived experiences in corporate/retail was working bridal. I always loved the bridal aesthetic although I was never the girl who grew up dreaming of her wedding. Say Yes to the Dress was one of my favorite shows. I used to spend $18.95 on The Knot just because. I’ve been in a few wedding parties. For the most part, I loved working in the industry although I didn’t really know what to expect… I also wasn’t really planning to get into it either. But when I got into it, it opened up my eyes and gave me some sobriety. Part of my position was assisting in fitting appointments, and assisting brides-to-be with their dress and accessory orders.
One particular day at work shifted my perspective. At the boutique I was employed in, policy was that dresses could not be refunded, but could be credited for dresses for special occasions, jewelry, shoes, gifts or other accessories. A call came into the store of a bride-to-be who was requesting a refund. As a co-worker of mine recited the policy, the bride then asked for the manager, who was ready to repeat the same thing, until she heard the bride-to-be’s complete story.
Her fiancé had unexpectedly passed away… The wedding was cancelled.
After the conversation ended, the few co-workers on the floor began to speak about how sad the story was, and how quickly life could change. Somehow, the store literally felt a bit smaller for me and the light glimmering off the details in the dresses lost shine. I grew introspective.
As I continued to work and days would go by, I lost the surface level excitement of working bridal and I started to notice something else. I began to realize how much of a sober mindset it takes to be a wife as opposed to being a bride…in other words, a primary female participant in a wedding. Some women are one, some women are the other. God was killing wedding and marriage idolatry. I started to see the difference between the women who were preparing for a party, and women preparing for the life. That spoke to my heart.
I learned that I had unknowingly become engrossed in the superficial aspects of the wedding day and how little sober thought I had put into what it takes to be a wife. I had been in weddings, but for reasons of insecurity and past traumas, I didn’t really know how to put myself in the emotional and mental place of becoming one; even though I was “of age”, and suggested to others that I was ‘their’s’ (another post for another day).
I grew up in what was called “purity culture”, so I’ve had to unlearn a lot. Christian culture has idolized and epitomized both marriage and weddings that we sometimes don’t have the real understanding of what it’s all about. Other times we completely mix the two and forget that being a wife is not the same as being a bride. There is life beyond the wedding date, and from what I hear, it is beautiful but it’s dying to the flesh everyday, on a complete other level compared to what it is as a single or dating person. Marriage’s primary goal is not just happiness, meals, dates, legal sex or a live-in best friend, but holiness. Marriage will stretch and grow you beyond your comfort and grow you into the person God intended for you to be. Am I ready for that? I think I am, and not just because I’m of age. I think I’m ready for it because I’m willing to grow. Let me start dating, and I’ll let you know. 😉
If you’re like me, through several mediums, I’ve received the Word of the Lord about finding love for years. Some days when I think about it, my reaction is, “I’m ready” and I can’t wait to sing Angel of Mine to bae. Other days, it’s made me reflective. See, any woman can put on a dress. I’ve done it a few times. I actually own the dress in the picture above. Any woman can be a bride. But it takes a level of grace to be a wife. I believe you need to have a realization of what Heaven really thinks about your relationship, and how it will affect the generations you and your husband will create. Being a wife takes having an eternal perspective and a truly holy character. Meaning… the grace will come from Christ alone. Christ and a good twerk. 😂
Being a good wife, I believe, takes courage, vulnerability, strength, kindness, gentleness, wisdom, discernment, patience, understanding, prayer… should I go on? God needs to be at the center of who you are, developing and cultivating His character within so the soul of a “good thing” can be found. I don’t think you need to be perfect as a wife, but I do believe you need all of these in your arsenal.
TLDR? A wedding can easily be planned, wardrobe purchased, flowers and food ordered, with people attending. As captivating as the details of weddings can be, don’t get lost in the beauty of one day. Invest in the soil of your soul and your future by investing in yourself. After all, the two become one but you’ll still be growing.
If you’re still single… Travel, learn, heal, laugh, grow. Stack money. Grow in your relationships. Read your Bible! Do all the things. For yourself. Allow yourself to walk with God as Father, stripping you of everything unworthy of the “you” He sees you as and is worthy of His blood. Allow yourself to be completely honest with Him. Allow Him to help you become, as well as learn of Him what true love is; then you can recognize it when it is time. Your marriage is a lifelong journey of growth… a journey of everyday. A stable and steady heart is needed.
“The man who finds a wife finds a good thing; she is a blessing to him from the Lord.”Proverbs 18:22 TLB
